Let me ask you something, how many weddings have you been to and watched couples exchange vows of loving each other forever?
Sadly, not all of those who exchange vows on the sacred altar of matrimony survive the journey of their lives together. Some end up in separation and most don’t have an idea of the effects of divorce on children.
Divorced Parents and Separation in the Philippines
The Philippines and the Vatican City are the only countries where divorce is not legal; one of the reasons is 86 % of the population are Roman Catholic, and 6 % belong to other Christian Communities where most of these give importance to marriage.
But why is it that there are still Separation and annulment of the family in the Philippines? Why do we still have kids that have divorced parents?
In 2007, there were 7,753 cases of annulment and cases of annulment filed at the Solicitor General’s Office. This data is according to one of the article written by GMA Network.
Marriage Separation According to the Bible
In the bible, Jesus gives the importance of marriage. (Matthew 19:6) “Therefore, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore God has joined together and let no one separate.”
The word of God clearly states that He is against divorce or separation between the husband and wife. He instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden and He never wanted them to separate.
Marriage vows clearly state “til death do us part” and not about to separate when they don’t feel being together anymore.
God himself clearly is an advocate of marriage and the union of two people – not their separation.
Reasons why a Marriage ends up in Failure
We will provide a list of possible reasons or causes why marriages end up in failure causing children to have divorced parents.
One of the common mistakes that most people commit is that they invested more preparation for the wedding day than the actual marriage…
Money is a source of happiness if appropriately used; if not, it becomes the root of bitterness in the family. Bills, debt, too much spending, and other financial issues are usually the main reason for the couple’s argument.
Sex (lack of or too much)
Too much or lack of it is another big issue between husband and wife. One of the most common reasons of Divorce is infidelity which leads us back to sex.
Sex is a sacred thing given to us by our creator but the modern human generation is using it as a tool to remove the urge rather than to fulfill a sacred marital duty.
One parent falls in love with someone else. Having an intimate physical and emotional relationship with another person aside from his/ her partner in life
It is abuse between husband and wife with the possibility of harassment between couples. When someone doesn’t respect the other and hurts them physically, it will most likely leave the children with divorced parents.
They Don’t Love Each Other Anymore
Love is essential in marriage life; this binds between two different people with different backgrounds. Conflict will be resolved as long as both parties love each other. Everything will be in chaos in the absence of love; even money in abundance cannot fix it.
7 Helpful Tips on How to Manage
1. Resolve Guilt
Separation sometimes evokes evaluation, thinking that you might be the reason for their splitting up. Maybe if you become kind and obedient to your parents, this separation will not occur; So many regrets come in your mind.
Annulment or Separation of your divorced parents has nothing to do with you; children have no control over what adult decide in their married life. Several reasons why parents fight and come up with separation, but none of this is related to you; you are the silent victim in this situation.
2. Accept your feelings.
The Separation of your parents often generates deep feelings of anger, despair, depression, and loneliness. Sometimes being happy because at last there is peace at home. All these are normal, don’t be alarmed. All these emotions are natural.
3. Find caring people
There are always friends and loved ones who’ll stick it out with you through thick and thin. God will always be by your side because He loves you and all humanity. That’s clearly stated in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world so much that He gave His only son so that everyone who believes in Him may not die but have eternal life.”
Talk about your feelings and reactions about your divorced parents with someone you trust. Don’t face your problem alone. Connect with others like your friends, relatives, even your teacher. If you’re angry and upset, allow them to support and comfort you.
They care for you even if you are not aware of it. Talk with your siblings if you have, they are also suffering like you.
But be careful not to tell it to just anybody, because there are some instead of helping others who would love to backbite you because of the information you shared.
Talk to your divorced parents; maybe they can give you the reason why they arrived at their decision to separate. If they cannot give you the answer, keep on communicating. As of this time you both need somebody to rely on. This time you are not only consoling yourself but helping them ease the pain of Separation.
Remember you have a very trusted friend, His name is Jesus, Talk to Him in prayer, and He will not fail. Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
4. Be healthy: Follow the N.E.W.S.T.A.R.T Law of Health
Eat a Balanced Diet that includes various foods from each four groups, Milk, Meat, Fruits and vegetables, and grains. Avoid eating junk foods that have little or no nutritional value
Physical activities like running, biking, and even playing sports are excellent for reducing stress. Avoid using too many gadgets; it will cloud your mind
Drink plenty of water, eight glasses of water a day is essential to your health. Soda drinks and alcohol are not included here. These are harmful, especially to children like you.
Sunshine is needed for physical health, but it is just as essential for mental health as well.
Have self-control. Everything you do must be in moderation.
Fresh air and freshwater, two vital things for those who want to be healthy.
A lack of sleep and relaxation is at the root of many mental problems. It is challenging to have mental clearness and to have endurance if one doesn’t get enough sleep and rest.
Trust in God
Learning to Trust in God and leave your problems and worries with Him is the ONLY real way to find peace and happiness.
Having a healthy mind and body helps you enjoy life and handle different life problems, even the Separation of your parents. It offers a feeling of self-worth and inner strength.
5. Be positive
( James 1: 2,3) “Consider it pure joy, my brethren, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that your faith-testing develops perseverance.”
Sometimes problems like having divorced parents are blessings in disguise. You might even discover some unexpected opportunities from such incidents.
Many teens find their parents happier after the Separation or may develop a new and better relationship with their sibling since the house has a more peaceful atmosphere than before.
6. Choose to be happy despite problems.
No one lives a life that is free of problems; Even children are not exempted. We always remember that trials and difficulties are part of our life, but still, we can choose happiness then make a promise to achieve it no matter what problem you are facing.
Often the greatest pleasure and the most profound joy flow from the lives of people who experience troubles and overcome them through pure determination.
7. Seek professional help.
If you have followed all the tips from 1-6 and are depressed or stressed out, or if it’s hard to concentrate on your normal activities, let a counselor or therapist help you. Your divorced parents, school counselor, or a doctor or other health professional can help you find one.
Separation and Annulment are real in the Philippines.
One of the most affected parties are the children who sometimes parents forgot to consider since they focus only on their emotions
Most of the time, children blame themselves on their parents’ Separation, especially when they heard their names mentioned during the arguments.
Remember that a parent’s decision to split up has nothing to do with you, children. The choices adults make about separating each other are their own decisions.
Because of adult’s choices, more children and teens have experienced emotional difficulties. If you happen to be one of these victims, you can feel very alone and uncertain of what will happen in the future.
More adjustment is needed if there are more siblings in the family
You will experience some emotional stages once you are the recipient of this separation among parents: but still, it varies from person to person on how mature you face difficulties
You keep on arguing to yourself that this is not happening to your family.
You are angry with your parents who are separating but to the people around you; more than that, you are mad to God for allowing the Separation.
Making promises that when you are right always, your parents will not separate.
When you realize that all your efforts are not sufficient, sadness and loneliness will become extreme, and at this stage, you need professional help.
You realize that everything is beyond your control, so accept what it is and go on with your life.